


Together, We're Infinite

by thunderingskies



Series: In the afterlife, tell me we'll be fine [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Analysis, Falling In Love, First Meetings, M/M, Polyamory, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:51:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8539054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: Tsukishima has never liked being touched.A pat on the back, a hug from a relative, a friend nudging his ribs - it’s an invasion of his personal space, and he hates it. It’s awkward, uncomfortable. A reminder of how different he is, because normal people seem to like it, and that’s just not him.That is, until the day Tsukishima finally learns that maybe being touched isn’t so bad after all - at least, not when it comes to them.





	

Tsukishima has never liked being touched.

A pat on the back, a hug from a relative, a friend nudging his ribs - it’s an invasion of his personal space, and he hates it. It’s awkward, uncomfortable. A reminder of how different he is, because normal people seem to like it, and that’s just not him.

Well, that’s how it seems at least, because what Tsukishima does like is watching. He’s good at it, too. Choosing somewhere to sit, headphones on, eyes looking. Picking up details. The way that Suga looks when Kageyama makes an incredible set - proud, but also sad. The way that Nishinoya squints when he focuses, so enveloped in the game that he even sometimes misses his teammates chatter.

He sees it all, and sort of files it away. He’s not sure why; to pass the time, maybe. Maybe it’ll help on the court. Regardless, his outward demeanor is cold and unapproachable, which keeps most from bothering him.

The only person who doesn’t seem deterred by it is Yamaguchi, but, that’s different, because it’s Yamaguchi. He’s the only one who gets him, and doesn’t push his boundaries. They’re friends, and, truly, the only person Tsukishima could really call a friend is him. That’s okay, though - it’s not like he needs a million friends. He’s happy with one. He has things to focus on, like school, and getting into a good college.

But of course, it can never be that simple, because a bunch of idiots just have to come along and wrestle their way into Tsukishima’s life.

Tsukishima is a little incredulous when it happens. He’s not into girls, that much he’s sure of, but guys don’t really interest him either. He’s not sure what that makes him, but it’s not high on his list of priorities, so he doesn’t give it much thought.

They’re at a training camp, with other schools. Fukurodani, Nekoma, Shinzen, Ubugawa. Powerhouse schools. They’re all bigger and better, brighter and more talented than Karasuno. Yet they persist. It’s easily the biggest training camp Tsukishima has been to, but he doesn’t care. It doesn’t bother him because he doesn’t really care if they lose. Sure, it sucks if they have to do extra laps of diving drills, but he’s not going to cry about it.

This is just a club, after all.

But then _they_ appear and plant a tiny seed in his brain; something that threatens to swallow him whole. The thought that he can do more. That he _should,_ that he has the _potential_. That he’s capable, and when he gives it his all, he will be able to succeed.

Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi.

They’re all so different.

Bokuto is big, and loud, and powerful; he hits like there’s no tomorrow _every time_. He always gives one-hundred percent; he has no easy mode, and he never half-asses anything, even in practice. He’s firm, yet somehow still soft, and gentle.

Kuroo is strong, and smart, and snarky. He doesn’t give Tsukishima a moment to rest - he’s always challenging him, pushing him, wanting _more, more, more_. He sees things in Tsukishima that he can’t name, things that Tsukishima doesn’t see in himself. It’s frightening.

Yet the one that frightens Tsukishima the most is Akaashi. He’s calm, and collected; smart, and intuitive. Tsukishima feels like he sees _everything -_ all the thoughts and concerns he carries, buried deep inside himself; he _knows_ , somehow, that Tsukishima can do more. Can _be_ more. It’s overwhelming, and Tsukishima doesn’t know how to handle his intuition, especially when he has so much to hide.

Somehow, though, they’re still so similar; they’re bright, captivating, _beautiful_ . Tsukishima can’t take his eyes off them. The way that Akaashi sets, so flawless and effortless; the way that Bokuto puts his entire spirit into each and every spike; the way that Kuroo watches and _sees_ , picking up spikes that Tsukishima knows he himself wouldn’t have even seen before they hit the floor.

Tsukishima can’t figure out for the _life_ of him why they care about some random first-year from another school, but they do. They set their eyes on a kid who doesn’t even try, who hasn’t even an ounce of their talent or dedication, and invite them into their circle. They practice together from the very first day of the training camp, and they don’t accept no as an answer. They pull him into their orbit and that’s when everything he has known, or believed, begins to change. He’s on a crash-course for Earth, and he’s falling fast; Tsukishima tries to brace for impact, but he’s not sure how to prepare.

He first spends time watching them, as is his routine. He tries not to be obvious, but it’s hard when Bokuto commands his attention like a hysterical toddler. He practically screams for it and Tsukishima finds his eye drawn there naturally; from Bokuto, it shifts to Akaashi, who is never far away. He’s amused, Tsukishima can tell, from the soft smirk on the corners of his lips, and the slight crinkle in his brow. He’s watching Bokuto celebrate a good spike in that way of his, parading around with a loud chorus of “Hey, hey, hey! Did you see that, Akaashi?!” Bokuto whips around, grinning at Akaashi, who nods.

“Yes, Bokuto-san. It was great.”

Tsukishima doesn’t know when he learned to read them so well, all that he knows is that now he _knows_. He sees Kuroo grin, pride evident on his face when Lev finally listens to his instructions; he watches Bokuto contemplate, mood dropping, blaming himself for missing a spike. He sees it before it happens, in the same way Akaashi does, as he’s quick to perk Bokuto back up and get his focus back on the task at hand.

Tsukishima has to school his face, keep himself focused on the game; he needs to play, he needs to win. He _wants_ to.

Something is pushing him to _improve_.

He just isn’t sure yet what exactly it is.

* * *

 They eat lunch together, and Bokuto and Kuroo keep reminding him _eat more, eat more, you need more energy!_

Tsukishima scoffs and waves them off - he does _not_ need to eat everything they’re putting on his plate - but the care make his stomach flop in weird ways. He tries to forget about it with a snappy, “Thanks, moms,” but the retort leaves his mouth feeling dry.

Akaashi leans over and chases them off, voice calm yet somehow a little threatening - his arm brushes Tsukishima’s before he slides back into his seat. He resumes eating, normally, completely unaware of Tsukishima’s entire world crumbling down around him, every little belief being challenged so beautifully. He definitely doesn’t hate it when Akaashi does that.

Tsukishima tries to catch his breath, tries to calm his heartbeat, tries to think and rationalize and _understand_ , but it doesn’t work. He can’t rationalize away his feelings, if that’s what these are - and he thinks, he _really_ thinks that that’s gotta be it.

It’s foreign, and a little terrifying. He doesn’t know how to deal with this because he’s never experienced feelings like this before. He’s never lost his breath over a touch, felt light on his feet at a glance or had his stomach flop at the sound of praise - Kuroo’s sweet voice folding around _great_ and _impressive_ are more than he can handle.

He tries, and tries, and _tries_ to convince himself that this is just his admiration for them. They’re amazing players, after all. It’s just admiration, and respect, and maybe a little friendship - but he can only talk himself into denial for so long, and so many times.

He can only tell himself _it’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing,_ for so long before he snaps right in half.

* * *

 

The first time he sees Akaashi watching him, Tsukishima’s legs nearly give out beneath him.

They’re in a practice match, and he’s just been rotated to the front. His mind is filled with plays, thoughts, Kuroo’s advice- _keep your strength in your fingertips!_ He watches the ball arc up; Kageyama sets the ball to him, and it’s a perfect set as always. He doesn’t even have to try to be flawless.

But Tsukishima does; and try, he does. He jumps, form tight; he’s lined up perfectly with the ball. He swings his arms back and slams the ball hard, and with their opponent’s block low it blows right past and scores them an easy point.

Tanaka cheers, and Nishinoya slaps him in the back. Tsukishima can hear Hinata yelling from the other side of the court, too. He turns, looking across the gym, and that’s when he spots him.

Akaashi.

He just smiles, in that small way of his, and nods his head. It’s nothing - so small that most people would have missed it. But not him, not Tsukishima.

 _He_ sees it, like he sees everything, and his stomach flops. He’s distracted and nearly trips over Hinata, who squawks like a chicken as he hops out of the way.

“ _Tsukishima_!” Hinata whines, “You stepped on my foot!”

Tsukishima just scoffs, rolling his eyes; feigning ignorance is easy. It’s practiced, for him. Second nature.

But when he looks back over, and sees both Bokuto and Akaashi looking over at him now, well, it’s a little harder to hide the way his cheeks heat up.

* * *

 The first time any of them try to touch him, Tsukishima is surprised to find that it isn’t half bad.

Bokuto puts a hand, firm and strong, on his back, to lead him into the gym. Kuroo grabs his arms to show him proper form - and everywhere he touches, he touches in a firm yet _gentle_ way. Akaashi doesn’t touch, really, but that’s probably a good thing, because Tsukishima’s head is already spinning.

They go from zero to one hundred, fast. Maybe it’s because they’re stuck in the same building all day together, maybe it’s because they spend so much time together in the evenings, maybe it’s because they don’t let Tsukishima get away with his regular shit.

But it’s probably just _them_.

They’re practicing together in the evening, as has become routine in the few days they’ve been here; Tsukishima is breathing hard. Blocking Bokuto’s spike is like trying to stop a boulder from crushing you as you run away down a mountainside - it’s stronger, bigger and heavier than you, and it keeps building momentum. Faster, faster, stronger- until it blows right past Tsukishima’s block. Again.

It’s a little frustrating, but he’s not letting it get to him. Bokuto is good, different. He doesn’t get every spike past Tsukishima, and that in itself is reassuring.

Kuroo is there, as always, to tell him where he should be going. His arms need to be higher, his fingertips stronger. Kuroo looks at him with such _expectation_ that it makes him want to work hard. Not just for himself - for them.

Akaashi stays to work with him when Bokuto and Kuroo complain about being hungry again, and venture to the cafeteria to scrounge for food. He’s quiet, when it’s just him and Tsukishima, but not in a bad way. They grab some water, before Tsukishima finally speaks up-

“Hey, Akaashi-san.”

“Yes?”

He breathes in, and then out. “Can we try something I’ve been wanting to practice?”

“Okay.” Akaashi nods, like it’s easy, so simple; he doesn’t even need to contemplate it. “What did you have in mind?”

Tsukishima tilts his head to the side as he grabs a volleyball, spinning it in his hands. He speaks carefully, practiced. He knows what he wants to do and he knows that Akaashi has the skill to help him.

Akaashi nods, and accepts the ball from Tsukishima. His instructions are brief, but clear. Stand here, hold your hands like this, don’t forget to breathe - Tsukishima soaks it all in, letting each word seep into his pores and embed themselves in every fiber of his being.

He moves, and jumps; they work to get into sync. They’re not on the same team, but with all the practice they’ve been doing together, they fall together with ease. They’re going strong, and Tsukishima gets a good spike in-

“Tsukki!” Bokuto booms from the door, “Oh my god, that was cool!”

“Nice kill!” Kuroo strolls in behind him, beaming; they’re carrying sandwiches, and some soda. “Time for a break?”

Akaashi wipes the sweat from his face with his shirt, nodding. “Yes. Good work, Tsukishima.”

_Good work._

Tsukishima’s tongue feels heavy so he settles on just nodding, accepting the sandwich from Kuroo. He can hardly taste the vegetables on his sandwich, too busy focusing on every detail of Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi, while he has the chance.

He drinks it in, memorizing the way that Bokuto laughs, the way that Akaashi smiles, and the way that Kuroo worms his way into his space without even trying.

Mostly, he tries to engrave how all of this is making him feel, because it’s all going to come to an end soon.

* * *

 The touches become more and more frequent.

It’s not a surprise, really. Bokuto is an incredibly tactile person. He’s always jumping around, clapping hands on shoulders, backs, grabbing for hugs when he wants to celebrate. Kuroo is more subtle, but he likes touching as well. He’s often got a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder, or his legs sprawled across Akaashi’s.

Tsukishima isn’t sure what they are, exactly, to each other, but what he’s even more unsure of is where he fits in. He wants to understand - reasoning is what he _does_ \- but he’s searching for answers he can’t find on his own, yet he’s too afraid to ask for them.

Tsukishima leans back, further into the touch, when Kuroo runs his hand through his hair, effectively ruffling his locks after a strong block; he doesn’t shake off Bokuto’s hand when he puts it on his shoulder after practice, when they’re getting drinks from the vending machine.

But the biggest surprise comes later, when they’re hanging out after a long, grueling day of practice.

Hanging out.

Tsukishima has no idea how he’s gotten himself here. They’re not playing volleyball. They’re not talking about volleyball, they’re not exercising, they’re just _hanging out_. Sitting together out on the field behind the gym, legs crossed and eyes wide open, drinking in the sight of the starry night sky.

They’re talking about everything, and nothing at all. Well, Bokuto and Kuroo carry most of the conversation, but Tsukishima adds in occasionally. Mostly snark, but that’s his style, and nobody seems to mind. Akaashi laughs a little, even, and that sound is like an entirely new kind of special that Tsukishima is sure he wants to hear again.

“Tsukki?” He was never too fond of that nickname, just sort of accepting it for Yamaguchi only, but coming from Bokuto’s lips, it sounds sweet. Nice.

“Yeah?” He shifts, slightly, very aware of how close he’s sitting to Akaashi. He sucks in a breath when their legs touch for a moment as he moves, before adjusting himself properly.

“You go back to Miyagi soon, huh.” Bokuto’s voice has taken a weird tone, and it makes Tsukishima’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Yeah. Two more days and then we go.” It’s just a fact, and Tsukishima presents it as such, ignoring how it’s making him feel. Because he really shouldn’t feel so bad - he shouldn’t be so attached after such a short amount of time. Still, he tries to convince himself that it’s something he can let go of, because he’s going to have to.

Kuroo flops back onto the grass, groaning loudly. “Too short!! You leave too soon. You only get a week here! We were just getting into such a good rhythm!”

“I know, right?!” Bokuto sighs, dropping his weight right on top of Kuroo and making Tsukishima _sweat_. “Why do you have to go to school so far away?”

Tsukishima tilts his head to the side. He starts feeling a little antsy, a little uneasy; he draws his legs up close to his body, letting his chin rest on his knees.

Bokuto whines, and Kuroo hugs him close. They touch a lot, both being so tactile, but _this_ is a little much. Akaashi just laughs so Tsukishima tries not to let it show how much he wants to watch them - how cute he finds this interaction. _Cute_? Tsukishima can’t understand himself anymore.

“Are you going to miss us, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima’s head whips over and he looks at Kuroo and Bokuto, who are looking up at him expectantly; even Akaashi has his gaze on him, steady and unwavering.

Tsukishima turns his head back, tilting it to look up at the sky. He counts stars, bright in the wide open sky - five, ten, twenty, thirty - before closing his eyes and finally admitting it out loud. Finally accepting the truth that he’s been avoiding all week; taking the first step out of the pit of denial he’s dug himself into.

“Yeah,” he breathes, exhaling loudly. “I will.”

It grows quiet. Tsukishima can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He’s nervous, too scared to open his eyes, too afraid that this isn’t what he thinks. _We’re just friends_ , he thinks, nervous thoughts bouncing around in his head, already planning out what to say to cover that up, because _they can’t know_ -

But a touch brings him out of it.

A touch, soft and gentle, on his hand; fingertips pressing against his knuckles, sliding up his fingers, before pressing into the spaces between to thread them together.

Tsukishima hasn’t held hands; not really, anyway. Nothing other than with his mom as a kid and occasionally with friends, so the weight in his palm is unfamiliar, although not wholly unwelcome.

Finally he opens his eyes. He blinks, glancing down at his hand, and seeing the hand holding his - strong and firm, yet still gentle. He feels the need to test to make sure this is real, that’s actually _his_ hand - he squeezes, and Akaashi squeezes his hand right back.

His stomach is in knots. Tsukishima swallows, eyes tracing up from Akaashi’s hand, up his arm, and to his neck; he pauses, eyes sweeping over that beautiful face of his, before their gazes finally lock.

Akaashi offers him a smile, and Tsukishima can see that he’s happy. The knot in his stomach twists further; like a knife, and it’s suffocating him.

His pulse thrums loudly beneath his skin. He feels a little like he’s on display, he can feel Kuroo and Bokuto watching him, but the hand in his is keeping him grounded. Safe. He tries to relax, but he’s not really sure how to do that right now.

He hears Kuroo giggle, and his gaze shifts over to where he and Bokuto are watching them with interest. Bokuto shifts off Kuroo, and Kuroo sits himself up, shimmying a little closer to Tsukishima and Akaashi.

But it’s Akaashi who clicks his tongue, and directs Tsukishima’s attention back to him with a hand on his chin, tilting their faces closer together. “We’re gonna miss you too, Tsukishima,” he admits, voice low, and heavy. It makes Tsukishima’s fingers tremble, and his breath jump. The knot in his stomach is bordering on painful now.

Kuroo hums in agreement, and Bokuto sits himself up too to lean off of Kuroo, one arm up on his shoulder, his weight drooping against him lazily. “You’re not _that_ far, though. The train is what, an hour?” Bokuto speaks softly, contemplatively. Tsukishima can practically see the gears working in his brain, and Tsukishima hesitates to wonder _why_ , why go through all this trouble. The thought passes as quickly as it came, when he looks at Kuroo, who is watching him carefully.

“Yeah.” Tsukishima licks his lips, and Akaashi’s eyes follow the movement. “That’s right.”

“Good,” Akaashi breathes, “Then we can make this work.” He smiles and leans in, and the press of his lips is so soft and sweet; Tsukishima finds himself getting lost in it. Their movements are slow, and hesitant. Tsukishima lacks experience, but Akaashi doesn’t seem to mind; he guides Tsukishima with each movement, with each slow swipe of his tongue. Akaashi doesn’t taste like much, the faint taste of soda still on his tongue, but there’s something more than that; something that Tsukishima knows that he wants to get know a lot better.

With that kiss, Tsukishima finally learns that maybe being touched isn’t so bad after all.

At least, not when it comes to them.

But then Kuroo has to go and ruin it, groaning and shouting, “ _Akaashi!_ I wanted to do that first!”

Tsukishima pulls back, head spinning, and he tries to gather his bearings. Akaashi laughs, turning his head to Kuroo and sneering. That wakes Tsukishima up enough to turn his gaze over to Kuroo, who is watching them intently with a look that he can’t quite describe.

The corners of his lips twitch up into a smirk. “Then you should have moved a little faster, shouldn’t you, _Kuroo-san_?”

Kuroo gasps, holding his hand over his heart. “Did you hear that, Bo?”

“All I heard is that Tsukki likes you.” Bokuto grins, looking to the side, “And Akaashi.” His face takes on that little downfallen look, the one that Tsukishima hates, so he plucks up every spare ounce of courage that he has laying around-

“And you, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto lights up, a smile burning his cheeks; he practically squeals, leaping from his spot right at Tsukishima, who doesn’t catch him in time and they instead topple down onto the grass.

Akaashi laughs and lays back, still holding Tsukishima’s hand tightly. Bokuto sprawls on Tsukishima’s other side, crushing him under half of his weight, but Tsukishima can’t find it in himself to be bothered by it. Kuroo whines that _he_ wants to be touch Tsukki, too, so he worms his way in beside Bokuto, linking his fingers with Tsukishima’s free hand.

It’s a lot; too much, almost. He’s already overwhelmed by them - the three of them are so bright, so beautiful, so warm and so passionate, so _different_ than Tsukishima himself. He feels out of place. Yet, feeling the comforting weight of Bokuto on his chest, and the steady grip of Kuroo’s hand, and the soft way Akaashi is drawing circles on his palm with his thumb puts him at ease.

When they finally gather themselves up to go off to bed, Tsukishima finds himself not wanting to leave. Not wanting to let go.

His head spins as he climbs into bed for the evening, completely confused. He doesn’t even hear Yamaguchi talking to him, and he definitely doesn’t sleep much that night.

It’s going to end way too soon.

* * *

 Nothing changes - but at the same time, everything does. Tsukishima’s whole entire world has been flipped on it’s axis, and he’s left spinning, trying to make sense of what he’s been left with.

He’s afraid at first that they’re going to expect things from him, that he’s going to have to be ready to deal with telling everyone, but - they don’t act any different in public.

The only thing that changes is, when they eat, Akaashi lets his fingers rest on the back of Tsukishima’s hand casually. Such a small touch that it could practically go unnoticed.

Kuroo and Bokuto see it, though, and grumble about how _they_ want to sit beside Tsukishima during their next meal.

Tsukishima scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he can’t help but smile fondly at them.

This whole thing is scary, but they take it slow. Well, as slow as they can when they have an expiration date on their time together.

They don’t even bring it up to him until they’re alone that evening, tossing a ball around in the third gymnasium. Bokuto breaches the subject first, without hesitation-

“So, Tsukki, can I kiss you next?”

Tsukishima nearly trips; he just barely manages to steady his footing, looking up at Bokuto sharply. He gets a cheesy grin in response, but Kuroo elbows him in the ribs.

“We were supposed to be giving him time to adjust, you idiot.”

Akaashi sighs, “Guys, you two are bad enough on your own, don’t scare him away.” He’s not wrong - and Kuroo and Bokuto take pause at what he says, which gives Tsukishima a few moments to try and contain how overwhelmed he feels. He can hear some people moving around outside the gym, which brings him back to Earth.

Rather than his initial reaction - freak out, sass and then leave - he makes himself ask the question that he’s been mulling over in his head since last night.

“What does this make us?”

He’s still a little lost. He’s no relationship expert, but three people in a relationship? That’s not the norm. And with him, four - that’s definitely beyond the scope of his knowledge. He fidgets, nervously, waiting, before Bokuto full-out laughs.

“We’re boyfriends, I thought that much was clear by now.” Bokuto throws an arm around Kuroo’s shoulder, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek. “I mean, we’re out to our friends and stuff, but at training camps we try to keep it low-key.”

“But, all three of you?” Tsukishima crosses his arms, contemplating. Akaashi sees that look in his eye - he’s reasoning, _understanding_ , so he gives him more.

“Yeah. It’s out of the scope of average, but it works for us.” He smiles, stepping closer to Tsukishima to hand him the volleyball, which is a welcome distraction.

Tsukishima has questions, no doubt, but it’s too much to unload them all at once. As they play, he asks them randomly, seamlessly; he learns, and he listens, and most of all he _yearns_ . The more he hears, the more he wants to be a part of something. He wants to be a part of _this_.

When it’s too late to keep going and they still need to hit the showers, Akaashi makes Bokuto and Kuroo agree to start cleaning up. Tsukishima piles the volleyballs away, when Kuroo nudges him in the ribs.

“I don’t like rushing you, but, well - think about it, will ya? We don’t really have a lot.. Of time...”

 _A day,_ Tsukishima thinks. They play tomorrow and leave the next day, bright and early. _Too soon_. He nods, swallowing thickly.

Bokuto bounds up to them, bright and cheerful and completely snaps the somber tension between them. “Goodnight Tsukki!” He claps him on the shoulder, once, his hand lingering for a few moments before pulling away.

As they part ways, Tsukishima touches his shoulder in that same spot.

It burns.

* * *

 Tsukishima throws himself into volleyball the next day.

He can’t hide it any longer, and he has to talk to someone about this - so he ditches Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi at lunch, hiding out and dragging Yamaguchi out with him.

Yamaguchi who is clearly concerned, but also _confused_.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s been going on now?”

They drop down onto the grass, leaning against the cafeteria building. Tsukishima feels hot, already, thinking about the fact that Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi are in there, and probably wondering where he is.

He tries to put that feeling away for now, because this is important.

“Yamaguchi…” He pauses, picking away at his lunch. “I’ve got a problem.”

His friend frowns, but doesn’t speak, waiting for Tsukishima to continue.

He inhales, sharply, and lets it all tumble out.

“I think that I like somebody.” He pauses, and rephrases. “Er, somebodies, I guess.” He turns, to see Yamaguchi staring at him openly, practically gaping, mouth hanging open; “Are you trying to catch flies or something?”

Yamaguchi closes his mouth, shaking his head. “Is this why you’ve been with Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi so much?”

Tsukishima sighs. “Yeah.” He fidgets, fingers of his right hand curling around his left wrist, remembering how it feels when Akaashi does it. It’s not the same doing it to himself.

He hears a laugh, and looks up to see Yamaguchi _smiling_. What the hell? “Tsukki! That’s great, I was so worried it was something bad.”

Tsukishima scoffs. “And how is this a good thing?”

“Tell me _everything_.”

He doesn’t know how _that_ is going to help, but he does it anyway.

And Yamaguchi’s encouragement on the matter gives him the little confidence boost that he really needs.

* * *

 Tsukishima makes a pointed effort to not talk to Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi at all during the day. He’s not trying to be cold, but he doesn’t want to say anything until they can talk about things alone.

He feels a little bad, avoiding them as he is, but he knows that once he starts talking to one of them, all of his stupid damn feelings are going to come pouring out without his consent.

It isn’t until after dinner that he goes to find them. He barely manages to get anything down, just some rice - he’s nervous. He keeps his hands together pointedly to keep himself from trembling.

This is just so far out of his comfort zone, and Tsukishima much likes his comfort zone. He’s safe there, and he knows his own limits and boundaries.

He’s going out on a limb here, and he just has to _trust_. Doing that is way harder than he ever thought possible.

He finally gets to the gym, their gym - gym 3, which has become his favourite place during this training camp. He can hear Bokuto’s voice inside, and his heart feels a little lighter when he walks in and sees him laughing, hands on his hips.

Tsukishima takes a step in, and their gazes turn on him.

But wait.

Lev and Hinata are also here.

Shit.

He curses mentally - _damn that Hinata_ \- but walks in anyway, because they’ve already seen him. He notes that Kuroo looks a bit surprised, but his expression goes passive after a few moments.

“Tsukishima! I thought you’d gotten lost.” Hinata is loud, but in a different way than Bokuto, and it’s almost annoying. Or, well, maybe it’s only okay when it’s _Bokuto-_

“You want to join, Tsukishima?” Akaashi puts a hand on his hips, looking at him carefully.

He doesn't need time to consider his answer, he just lets the words fall out. “Yeah. I do.”

Bokuto whoops, grinning loudly; he and Kuroo share a high-five, before turning back to Lev and Hinata who are confused.

“We can play a three on three now,” Kuroo clarifies, grinning. “Let’s do this.”

They play, and Tsukishima is surprisingly alert and attentive, despite the fact that his heart is pounding in his chest. It’s getting hard to breathe, really; he’s grateful when they stop to get dinner, as most of them haven’t eaten yet. Lev and Hinata practically run back to the cafeteria, but the rest hang back.

Tsukishima can barely hear anything over the blood rushing to his ears; he’s never been more nervous and embarrassed in his _life_. He wants to run and hide, but he can’t - he feels frozen, paralyzed.

That is, until a pair of arms wrap around his waist, and he gets a strong hug from behind. Kuroo’s scent fills his lungs and he can breathe again.

“You mean it, Tsukki? You… want to?” His voice is quiet, unsure. Tsukishima has never heard him talk like this before.

Words are hard, so he nods once, only managing to whisper out a quiet, “Why, though?” Bokuto steps a little closer, so they’re all within arm’s reach of each other, and Tsukishima rephrases. “Why _me_ . You’re all so....” He trails off, waving his arms, “And I’m just… I’m _not_.”

Kuroo squeezes him a little tighter, and rests his head in the crook of his neck. The weight is heavy, but warm. Bokuto laughs, hand finding Tsukishima’s. “Just because you don’t see how amazing you are yet, Tsukki, doesn’t make it any less true.” Akaashi hums in agreement beside him. “When your moment comes, you’ll know.”

Tsukishima chokes back a breath, nodding. He doesn’t realize how much of a relief all this is until Akaashi is touching his face, soft and careful and so much _more_ than he’s accustomed to. This is going to take some getting used to. “So,” he speaks, shakily, “How does this work?”

“Hmm,” Bokuto smiles, “A lot of texting. Skype. I hope you like getting snaps too because I’m going to send you lots.”

Tsukishima just nods, listening, taking it all in; he’s so overwhelmed. Every inch of his skin is tingling and he’s trying to process it all, he really is, but he just can’t.

Kuroo lets him go, and breathing gets a little harder until he comes up beside him and links their fingers together.

“Let’s get some fresh air,” Akaashi suggests, heading out for the door.

The night sky is bright and brilliant; it reminds Tsukishima of how _open_ their future is. It gives him hope, that even though this is going to be hard, and he’s so far out of his depth, that he can _do_ this.

Every brush of skin makes him feel infinite.

Anything is possible with them - there’s no goal too unreasonable, no barrier that’s insurmountable. He’s never felt more powerful, more _free_.

He lets Bokuto’s hands pull him into his lap, enveloping him with warmth. He’s receptive to Akaashi’s gentle gestures, and when Kuroo pouts, he doesn’t hesitate to lean in and claim his second kiss.

Bokuto complains that he’s the last one to get to do it, so, Tsukishima just has to occupy his mouth in other ways.

Tsukishima spends the night learning how a touch from each of them is so special, and so unique; he loses himself in them, hardly remembering to come up for air.

* * *

 That’s the thing about good things. They come to an end.

But, this? No. Tsukishima is not willing to let it end like that. Not when he’s come to learn so many new and wonderful things about himself, and about these three boys.

They exchange cell phone numbers, and add each other on social media. Tsukishima doesn’t use it much, but, if it keeps him in contact with them, he’s more than willing to try.

The next morning comes way too fast, even with them staying out past lights out to spend more time together. Tsukishima is groggy in the morning; only having gotten a few hours of sleep, he’s slow to put together his things, but with heavy sleepers like Tanaka, it still leaves him with ample time.

He steps out of the room where they’re staying, heading outside to get some air before they have to board the bus. His stomach is in knots and he doesn’t feel like eating, so he skips it.

In a way, he just wants to get this over with, like ripping off a band-aid. The pain is over quickly that way - or at least, he hopes it will, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knows it’s not that simple.

He checks outside, but they’re not there. He isn’t surprised, but a little disappointed; he only has twenty minutes before they have to leave. Maybe it’s easier this way, without having to say goodbye face-to-face-

“Tsukki!”

Of course, though, there’s no way this could be easy.

Bokuto bounds out of the building, sad smile on his face. He checks around them - looking left then right - and when he’s satisfied that they’re alone out here, he throws himself into Tsukishima’s arms. For someone older and _bigger_ than him, Bokuto loves being held - Tsukishima can understand that. He lets his instincts take over, arms wrapping around Bokuto’s middle.

Kuroo is next, sliding in beside them, and Akaashi is quick to get behind them.

Tsukishima thought it’d be awkward, this sharing thing, but it’s not. They just do what feels right.

Kuroo joins in the hug, burying his face in the space between Tsukishima and Bokuto’s shoulders; Akaashi rests his head against Tsukishima’s back, sighing softly.

The morning wind is cold, but, Tsukishima has never felt so warm.

They talk, quietly, laughing, just enjoying each other. Tsukishima is quiet, but that’s okay; Kuroo and Bokuto fill the silence and it eases his mind. They know, somehow, just what to do.

They pull apart, finally, when noise from inside the building tells them that the players are going to start filing out. Tsukishima shivers, no longer surrounded by their warm body heat. Kuroo notices, light bulb going off in his head.

“Tsukki! Here, take my sweater.” He lifts his sweater up, pulling it over his head, giving Tsukishima the tiniest tease of a view of his abs.

“No, it’s okay-”

“I insist.” Kuroo smiles, offering Tsukishima the sweater. It’s just a maroon coloured pullover, nothing fancy, but Tsukishima takes it happily.

“Thanks.” He pulls it on and over his head; it still smells like Kuroo. It warms him, and starts to ease the churning in his stomach.

“Take this, too,” Akaashi says, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a small phone charm; it’s nothing obviously relationship-based, just a small star charm. It glints under the light, and reminds Tsukishima of their nights spent under the stars. 

Tsukishima accepts it, swallowing thickly. “Thank you, Akaashi.”

“Hey! I don’t have anything to give you.” Bokuto whines, face falling.

“How about I give you something else instead?” Tsukishima smiles, softly, watching Bokuto’s face perk up beautifully.

“Yes!” Bokuto bounces up, and Tsukishima hears Ukai calling everyone to the bus. The shuffle of feet is loud around him; his entire team is out here, and a lot of the other teams, too.

Tsukishima raises a hand, fingertips brushing Bokuto’s jaw, before sliding up and threading through his hair. Bokuto looks up at him, shocked, as Tsukishima closes the gap between them, and kisses him.

He can’t hear anything, can’t feel anything other than Bokuto’s lips; his kisses are short and eager, a little sloppy but endearing. He holds Tsukishima’s face between his hands as they kiss, keeping him nice and close until they both pull back, at last, and Kuroo chuckles.

“Thanks, Tsukki.” Bokuto licks his lips, looking like he’s just gotten a taste of the most delicious nectar; Tsukishima blushes, realizing his whole team just saw them.

But he can’t be convinced to care when Kuroo clears his throat. “Do I get a goodbye kiss, too?” He’s smiling, lazily, with a hand on his hip. He looks so damn pleased with himself.

Now, how is he supposed to say no to that?

So Tsukishima kisses him. His kisses are faster, more heated; Kuroo gives and gives and _gives_ , pushing Tsukishima right up to the brink of what he can handle.

Akaashi is next, of course. He kisses sweetly, and slowly. There’s no pressure, no nothing - just them. Tsukishima shivers when Akaashi’s fingers brush his lower back before he pulls away.

“Safe travels, Tsukishima.”

He nods, and ignores the burning in his eyes.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Tsukishima grabs his bag, and he leaves.

His heart feels heavy, but, clutching his phone, he reminds himself that this isn’t an end.

* * *

 Tsukishima certainly never thought he’d _miss_ being touched, but, well, here he is.

It’s late; he’s laying in his bed, trying to sleep. Music pours through his headphones, but all he can hear are the lyrics - sappy and _sad_. He hates he’s being reduced to this, but, well, it’s actually making him feel better.

Fuck.

It’s been three weeks since he came back to Miyagi, even though it feels like it’s been months. They text every day; Tsukishima was never a texter before, but he is now. The team obviously knows about them now, after his display at the training camp, and they waste no time in teasing Tsukishima about how much time he spends on his phone. He checks it at every break, sending messages to all three of them. They have a group chat, but it’s not just that; they talk individually, too.

Tsukishima is learning so much about them.

Kuroo is a far bigger nerd than he ever thought imaginable; he’s very interested in chemistry, and is working hard to get into a good college. He makes the _worst_ science puns that Tsukishima secretly loves, but he’s not telling Kuroo that anytime soon. He’s such a mother to his best friend Kenma, but it’s sweet. He’s a talker, and chats up a storm - he’s constantly asking Tsukishima questions about anything and everything, from _what’s your favourite colour_ ? to _what did you dream about last night?_ Nothing is off-limits, but it’s freeing. Tsukishima knows he doesn’t have to answer, but he finds himself wanting to.

Bokuto thinks and worries a lot more than Tsukishima once thought. He’s always working hard - and when his efforts aren’t proving fruitful, he works harder. Just a single text or picture of him is enough to brighten Tsukishima’s mood. He’s strong, but soft; he needs encouragement just as much as Tsukishima does sometimes, and it reminds him of how similar they are. He admires Bokuto; even when things are tough, and everything seems to stand in his way, he still _tries_. He doesn’t give up.

Akaashi is like the glue that holds them together. He’s intuitive; he knows when to push and when to pull. He doesn’t talk as much as the others, but when he does, it’s meaningful. He knows how much a _good morning_ or a _good night_ can mean. He’s not loud about it, but he’s careful in ensuring that Tsukishima knows that he’s thinking of him, that he’s truly part of this, too. They’re constantly swapping playlists, of songs they want to share with each other.

The song on his phone changes to something happy and upbeat - some old hip hop track, he’s been on a kick of those lately - and he’s fast to change it. The next song is quiet, and slow; he feels it in his bones. It soothes him.

He’s only just finished dinner, but he doesn’t feel like doing anything. Practice was hard after school, and although he’s getting better, he really just wants to see his boyfriends right now.

He’s getting sappy, and he hates it. Well, maybe not hate. He only hates it because there’s virtually nothing he can do about it. He hasn’t worn Kuroo’s sweater in a while; he doesn’t wear it often, or for long, as he knows it’s going to need to be washed soon, and he’s kind of putting that off.

Rolling over, he holds up his phone; the phone charm Akaashi gave him dangles down, and he holds it between two fingers. The song changes to something new again, and it’s not sappy - he contemplates changing it, but it’s a song that Akaashi recommended to him.

The song starts slow, then builds; it surrounds Tsukishima, makes him feel whole. He breathes slowly, closing his eyes, prepared to maybe go to bed early. He nods off, blinking himself awake when his phone starts vibrating incessantly next to him.

Grumbling, he fumbles with it until he can see an incoming call. He doesn’t even think about it before accepting the call, pressing the phone to his ear.

“Tsukki!” It’s Kuroo; his voice high-pitched and happy. Tsukishima closes his eyes; listening to him is relaxing. “Hey, hold on, I’m gonna add Bo and Akaashi, okay?”

“Okay.” Tsukishima pulls off his headphones, tossing them on his nightstand and putting his phone on speakerphone. They don’t often video chat when they talk late at night; it’s easier, this way, to just talk until someone falls asleep.

There’s a series of beeps, and Kuroo curses as he tries to get it to work - he’s the worst with technology of all of them - until finally they’re all connected.

“Hey!” Bokuto’s voice is loud, but not in a bad way. “The weather was so nice today - I realized that I really wanna take you guys out to this park I like when you can come to my house!”

Kuroo laughs, “Oh, yeah? You’ve got a plan then, Bo?”

“Well actually, next week we get a four-day weekend. I was thinking… maybe…” He pauses, and the line goes quiet.

“Thinking… what?” Akaashi pushes.

“I wanna see you again, Tsukki. Do you wanna come and visit us?”

Akaashi hums, “The train is only one hour, right?”

“Yeah! I mean, we can come visit you too if you prefer-”

“No,” Tsukishima interrupts. “No. I want to come.”

The line goes quiet again, before Kuroo speaks up. “You’re not crying, are you, Bo?”

Bokuto sputters. “I am not! Just, just, shut up, Kuroo!” He laughs, though, so Tsukishima’s not worried.

He knows that they can make it through this, together.

* * *

 Tsukishima still doesn’t really know what this _is_ , or what this makes him. Yeah, he knows the terms - they’re _polyamorous_ , but the only people he’s even remotely interested in is them, so he doesn’t really need to think about it. He has what he wants.

It’s tough, being apart. There are nights when Tsukishima can’t sleep, nights when Bokuto calls him nearly in tears, times when Akaashi is withdrawn or Kuroo doesn’t answer - the bottom line is that it’s hard. There are times when he wants to give up, because being alone must be easier than being with people you care about but not being able to be _with_ them.

Somehow, he pushes through it - they all do. He doesn’t give up, and he doesn’t let any of them give up, either. What they have is too precious; Tsukishima refuses to let go of the only people who have ever made him feel so _alive_.

They plan visits, and travel to see each other. Bokuto takes them to his favourite park, and although Tsukishima isn’t a huge outdoors person, he loves it. They visit Kuroo’s home, and Akaashi’s - they even make the trip out to Miyagi one weekend, and meet Tsukishima’s brother.

He learns, still, every day. When they’re together, he learns what touches each of them like best. The way that Akaashi melts when you rub his back, carrying far more tension than he should; how Kuroo loves holding hands, anywhere, and all the time; just how much Bokuto likes being the little spoon, how he likes being hugged from behind and cuddled.

He learns how to kiss, and so much more; their touches become electric, igniting a fire inside Tsukishima that he didn’t even know existed. He finds himself always wanting more, giving into them time and time again.

Tsukishima improves, he becomes taller, stronger - he finds his passion, and when he experiences his _moment_ \- well, there’s nobody he wants to call more than Bokuto, and he does; choking back tears, in the same disheveled state as Bokuto who caught the entire match on television.

The seasons change, and they grow up. Kuroo and Bokuto graduate, choosing different career paths. Akaashi isn’t far behind them, and sometimes Tsukishima is left feeling like the odd man out; trying to sort out what he wants to _do_ with himself when the world is so wide open. He has so many choices, so many options, and he’s not sure what exactly he wants to do with that.

He feels alone, a lot of the time; Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi, all in college, live together, without him. Not that there’s anything to be done about that - he hasn’t graduated yet, but he still longs to be with them. Any time spent away from them is too much, and there’s always this little voice nagging in the back of his mind - _they don’t need you, you know_ . _They’ll do just fine without you._

He tries to quell the voice, tries to fight it, but it’s hard. It’s hard, when he doesn’t get to feel Bokuto’s warm hugs, or Kuroo’s hand playing with his fingers, or Akaashi’s soft, intoxicating kisses. All he has are _good morning_ and _goodnight_ messages, which are thankfully frequent; Tsukishima holds on to them, not wanting to burden them any further with his troubles than he already does.

Their studies are intense, so visits become less frequent. It hurts his heart, but he can’t bear to ask them to come when he knows that they shouldn’t. Bokuto’s got his volleyball practices, Kuroo’s busy with his labs, and Akaashi’s course load is intense; more often than not, it leaves Tsukishima checking his phone and being disappointed with the results.

Tsukishima’s graduation approaches fast. He still has so many questions, so many concerns - he has multiple offers for college, but he’s torn. He’s avoided the subject with Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi, too, but the time is coming for him to make a decision and he _wants_ to go to university in Tokyo, he _wants_ to join them-

But it’s hard.

He doesn’t think much of his graduation ceremony, really. Yeah, his mom cries, and his brother takes a ton of pictures, but it’s just for show. He graduated, and he did well; Tsukishima already knows all of this. He dresses up because he has to, but it’s nothing particularly special to him.

That is, until he’s about to walk on stage and he sees _them._

His pulse thrums beneath his skin.

They came, amidst exam studying and part-time jobs to watch him graduate. To watch him wear a silly outfit and walk across a stage to get a piece of paper. It’s just a ceremony, it’s not anything special, he didn't even  _invite_ them-

But Bokuto’s crying, and Kuroo looks like he’s almost there too; Akaashi has his camera up, and is passing them tissues. Tsukishima’s gut twists, and he wonders how he could have ever doubted them.

The woman guiding them to the stage presses on his shoulder, signaling that it’s his turn. He tries to swallow back his emotions as he steps onto the stage, hoping that if he stares at the front, at the podium, where he needs to go, he won’t get emotional.

He’s wrong.

He feels the tears start to well up in his eyes as he walks, his vision fuzzy. He accepts his diploma, nodding, biting his lip to try and keep calm. He manages to make it off the stage, and back through the crowd of students before he breaks. He drops himself down unceremoniously on the closest bench, covering his face with his shaking hands, desperately trying to calm himself down and failing.

He’s choking back tears, and is so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hardly registers his name being called. He swallows back another sob. He tries to blink away his tears unsuccessfully, looking up when a familiar figure kneels down in front of him, thumbs brushing away the fresh few that’ve escaped.

“Kei,” Akaashi breathes, soft and sincere. His _voice,_ it makes Tsukishima tremble. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

That doesn’t work in the slightest. He’s cracked, his calm and cool composure gone, left with this mess that he doesn’t know how to fix. Bokuto and Kuroo walk up to them, a little more hesitantly; Bokuto looks like he wants to pick him up and hug him, but he doesn’t move. He fidgets nervously.

Akaashi sits down beside him, and threads their fingers together; it’s familiar, and grounding. Tsukishima can feel his heart racing, and tries his best to calm his ragged breathing first once he can swallow back the sobs. They give him space, sitting in silence, the only sounds filling their space being the remaining speakers reading their cookie-cutter speeches.

“You _came_ ,” he whispers, at last, voice hoarse from crying. “You… you came to see me graduate.” Akaashi squeezes his hand, nodding.

Bokuto apparently has had enough of this space thing, as he lets out an exasperated sigh and climbs onto the bench next to Tsukishima; he pulls him in nice and close, letting Tsukishima bury his face against his chest. “Of course we did! This is a huge moment for you!” He threads his fingers through Tsukishima's blonde hair, and the touch is so calming. It lets him breathe a little easier.

Kuroo laughs as he sits next to Bokuto, settling for taking Tsukishima’s free hand. “You didn’t forget that we love you, did you?” He smiles, leaning over to capture his lips in a kiss. “We’ve been looking forward to this for months, Kei. We’re not whole until you’re with us, too.”

That’s right.

They’re a unit, all four of them - none of them are replaceable, or forgettable. He feels tears welling up again in the corners of his eyes, but Bokuto leans in to kiss them away. “I’m sorry,” Tsukishima whispers, shaking his head.

“Don’t be.” Akaashi smiles, fondly, “We’re all going to get to work together from now on… we’re going to _be_ together.”

Bokuto wipes at his eyes, nodding, arms sliding around Tsukishima’s middle. “Yeah, and we’ll get to show you every day just how much we love you.”

Tsukishima lets himself feel it all - the pain and loneliness of his time spent alone, the anger, sadness and bitterness, and the happiness, the pure joy he feels at knowing that they _care_ ; but more than anything else he feels love. Pure, unadulterated love; he feels it deep in his bones. It’s a part of him, now. These three, they own his heart.

But it’s okay.

Because it’s Bokuto, Akaashi and Kuroo - and he would trust them with anything.

Just as he feels as though he's about to come apart, about to rip at the seams, their touches make him whole again.

"I love you," he whispers, pulling them close. "I love you all so much."

Akaashi smiles, kissing his cheek; Kuroo squeezes his hand, and Bokuto nuzzles into his side. 

He feels alive, infinite, unstoppable - the world is at his fingertips, and with these three beside him, he wants to experience life for everything it's worth.

**Author's Note:**

> The newest episode sparked up my feelings for them, and I couldn't stop writing until I'd sat down for 6 hours and grinded this one out. Thank you very much to paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr for helping me and proofreading this! 
> 
> I have too many feelings, but I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought!!


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